Oh, the Oddities

So there was full moon this week and I think that must explain the strange things going on as of late. Ok, so some of this stuff happened prior to the full moon but I'll blame the moon none the less.

Ok, so I haven't slept much since moving into the new house. As some of you know, I'm not a great sleeper anyway and being in a new place doesn't help. So I'm averaging about 4 hours a night these days. I'm hoping as I get more comfortable at the house, the hours will increase. Anyway, I was actually asleep one night around 3am when I heard something. I wasn't sure what it was but I knew I wasn't imagining it because Barley was awake, ears perked and growling. Before I could get out of bed there was pounding on my front door. I damn near jumped out of my skin and Barley went crazy and took off for the front door. The pounding on the door stopped immediately as I heard a mans voice yell, "What the fuck?" Barley continued to bark and claw at the front door and I let him as I tried to decide if I needed to call 911. Of course I couldn't find my phone so I stood there thinking I was going to be killed. I crept into the the guestroom which has a window off the front porch and could hear the guy talking on his phone. And it went a little something like this: "Fuck dude, I don't know. I took a cab home and tried to get in my house but I can't. And there's a big ass dog in there and I don't have a dog. I don't think this is my house. (Insert a few moments of silence as he sorts it all out.) Dude, I'm not even on my own fucking street! I don't know where I am and the fucking cab left. Fuck man, come get me....I just told you I don't know where I am! When will you be here?!" And then he stumbled off my porch. Barley was still going nuts and since he was off the porch I decided it was safe to sneak a peak out the window. I catch a glimpse of what appeared to be a 20-something guy stumbling down the street, completely lost and trying to dial his phone. I never heard anything more from him...and I never fell back asleep. Jackass.

And then last weekend I was having dinner at Le Central with my gay boyfriend when a girl at a table behind us fell out of her chair onto the floor. The girl she was sitting with understandably freaked out and tried to help her friend. There was a table of four men, probably in their 40's, sitting next to the girl and her friend. The men, seeing the commotion made no effort to help at all. In fact, the girl hit the floor right next to one guy's chair and he simply looked at her down on the floor and scootched (is that a real word?) his chair over a few inches and kept talking to the other guys. The girl's friend then yelled that she wasn't breathing so I jumped up and went over to her. I'm CPR certified and though I've never had to do it in real life I thought maybe I could help. Gay boyfriend, also certified came over as well and as we rolled her over onto her back, she opened her eyes and came to. Turns out, she had passed out and was relatively ok, minus the huge bump on her forehead where she hit the floor. We had her lay there for a minute and as she did I looked around and realized no one else was helping or doing anything at all. One girl did manage set down her wine and call 911 but that was it. I was kinda stunned. Having dealt with my own Passing Out at a Restaurant situation where there were almost too many people helping, I couldn't believe that no one did anything. We were in a lovely french restaurant with lots of people paying good money for a meal. I passed out in a cheap Chinese restaurant where damn near everyone in there tried to help pull my face out of my wonton soup. The lesson here: if you're going to had a medical crisis at a restaurant, make it a cheap one; people at fancy restaurants are a-holes who wouldn't put down their forks to help.

And then the other night I was at home getting ready for bed when another situation arose. I had made some tea (Sleeptime tea, in an effort to help me sleep) and was walking of the kitchen when I smelled gas. At first I thought it was just because I'd used the stove but a few minutes later I could still smell it. I had smelled it faintly once or twice before but having never had a gas stove before, I figured it was nothing. After talking to a friend, she assured me it was not normal and told me I needed to called the gas company to have them check it out. It was 10:30pm but I called anyway and they said they would send someone out immediately. Apparently, the word "immediately" as defined by Exel energy is somewhere in the ballpark of 2 hours. Anyway, the guy showed up and pulled out this detector thingamajig and stuck it near the stove. The thing went bat-shit crazy and the guy looked up at me and said, "Oh yeah, you got a gas leak." He pulled the stove away from the wall, took one look at the line and said, "Well here's your problem." And then he went on to explain something about a hose and an attachment that wasn't there and how it really needed to be there and who did I have install this thing because they did a piss-poor job. So after the lecture was finished he fixed what needed to be fixed and left around 1am. He also told me that if I ever smelled gas again, no matter how faint, I should call immediately. "We'd rather come out and find out it was nothing than have your house blown to the other side of town." Such comforting words. So the next morning after letting Barley out the back door I thought I smelled gas again. So I called again. And they sent someone out again. Thankfully, they didn't detect anything but I'm pretty sure I'm paranoid now because I'm always thinking I can smell gas. But hey, at least my house hasn't blown to the other side of town.

Getting Settled

The brown dog still goes to the front door when he needs to go out because he forgets that he has a big backyard these days. And I need a step stool to reach the blinds in the kitchen thanks to the 9' ceilings. But other than that, we're settling in quite nicely.

Slowly Losing My Mind

I've spent the last two days at the new house getting things ready before the big move on Saturday. Tuesday, my sisters and their boyfriends came over and helped me paint which was a huge help. We managed to get the horrible pink and red walls (uh, they were SO bad!) covered with a lovely, more neutral shade. The bad part was, we had to clean for nearly 3 hours to get all of the grime off the floors and walls. I evidently bought a house from the filthiest couple on the planet. The hardwoods had so much junk on them and the walls had a layer of...I don't even know the word...dust/dog hair/dirt/bleeeeeeeeeeeech that we spent forever just wiping them down. Also, the world's dirtiest couple took the shower head in the bathroom. If the phrase you're uttering right now is "WTF?" well then you and I are on the same page. And I won't even tell you how bad the kitchen was because it would only give you nightmares. Thankfully I have a wonderful family who has continued to help out despite my several breakdowns. Here are the following things that have sent me into a tailsping in the last couple of days...

1. General unsanitary condition new house was in upon my arrival.

2. Picking paint colors for the bedrooms.

3. Finding out that the house doesn't have a 220 line in the basement for my electric dryer so I either have to a) buy a gas dryer or b) have a new line run.

4. Giant hole in the fence that allows neighbors tiny dog to come over in my yard and relieve himeself whenever he needs to.

5. Busted p-trap under the kitchen sink that caused lots of water to spray all over the damn place.

6. Ants. Lots of 'em.

7. When I spilled a great deal of paint on the hardwoods.

8. Barley getting out of the backyard and doing a tour of North Denver last night.

So the last one put me in such a state of panic that I was driving around in tears asking people if they'd seen a brown dog. Acutally, I was yelling it out the window while bawling hysterically. Thankfully, my aunt and uncle came over to aid in the search and they found him a few blocks away, romping in an alley. I was so happy to see him that I only called him a rat bastard twice. And then I hugged him and cried into his brown fur. It was all very touching.

So now I have to run up to Home Depot and pick up more paint because despite the fact that the paint guy assured me that one gallon would cover the room when I gave him the dimensions, it in fact, did not. And later today I will deal with Comcast and the moving of the cable, phone and internet. That should be one hell of a good time.

Perhaps the next time you hear from me it will be of a happier nature...the liquor cabinet should be unpacked by then.

I'm Living in a Box. I'm Living in a Cardboard Box.

I'm living in squalor. And I don't care for it.

I close on the new house this coming Friday, take possession the following Monday and move Saturday May 23rd. My townhouse is filled with boxes and I find myself tripping over them on a regular basis.; it's making me crazy. I jammed my shin into a box last night as I was getting ready to go out and I let forth a stream of profanities so loudly that it actually made Barley run out of the room. The state of constant disorganization is getting to me. I tried for a little while today to stack and organize the boxes and it seems to help a little but I'm going to have to just suck it up and deal with the mess for 2 more weeks. There's a nearly a week between possession and move-in so that will give me enough time to paint and do a few other small projects before we get all of the furniture in. The seller's actually painted recently but I do not share their love of pastel walls so I picked paint colors and have recruited a few awesome friends and my two lovely sisters to help with Paintfest '09.

It's sort of hard for me to believe I'm actually going to be moving. You would think that all of the boxes I was just complaining about would be a clue for me but it all seems a bit surreal. I think it's because I've wanted this for so long. It took me a while to get myself together to be able to do it and now that it's actually happening, it doesn't seem real. I have to give props to my dear friend Karen, who during dinner one night last fall while I was again talking about finding a house interupted me and said, "Ok, then just do it already." I sat there for a minute a bit slack-jawed because she was so blunt about it. And then she reminded me that this is the one thing I've consistently talked about for the last five years. I sat there for a moment realizing that she was totally right (as Karen usually is) and decided at that very moment that I was going to buy a house. I'd set the goal of finding a place and being moved in by June 1, 2009. I will beat that goal by 8 whole days. Go me! Anyway, a huge thanks for Karen for giving me that gigantic kick in the ass that I needed.

Ok, I've been packing and organizing non-stop...but on my few short breaks I've been downloading new music and checking the gossip sites. I came across this on Perez the other day and fell in love with it. I dare you not to like it.

I Swear, It Wasn't My Fault

So I was already to get back on the blogging bandwagon and then my computer just up and died. And then Best Buy held it hostage for two weeks while they alledgedly "fixed it". Only when I picked it up, it was not fixed. And so then there were some angry words and another trip back to Best Buy and we are now up and running. I'd like to go on the record and say that those rat bastards at the Geek Squad will never touch my laptop again. Never. But the good news is that the trusty computer is back! Hoo to the ray!

On to the updates:

Becki's wedding in Palm Springs. Oh. My. Good. God. I'd never been to Palm Springs before but you can bet your sweet ass I'll be back. The hotel where the whole thing went down was absolutely gorgeous. Our whole crazy crew stayed there so each morning we would wake up and have breakfast in our jammies out on the lanai near the pool. When we weren't being the best bridesmaids ever (the brides words, not mine.), we were busy getting manis and pedis, playing in the pool or laughing our asses off. The whole weekend was catered by Chef Tony who whipped up some of the most delicious meals. The ceremony was held at a darling church and was lovely. The reception was poolside and I still can't believe no one fell into the pool while dancing.

Because there was quite a bit of dancing. And the dancing was combined with a bit of wine. And champagne. Because my people know how to do weddings.

In other news, I'm about 2 weeks from closing on the new house. The inspection went well given that the house is more than 100 years old. But it did need a new roof and a few other minor things so the seller's are taking care of all of that prior to closing. Because I am nothing if not a fierce negotiator. I was going to post a bunch of pictures but I'm a bit superstitious and I'm afraid that if I do that, something will go horribly wrong and I wont get the house and then those photos will be a sad reminder of the house I almost had. But because I'm also somewhat of a glutton for punishment....

The green will eventually change but it's fine for now. I sure do love this little bungalow. My heart literally skips a beat everytime I see that porch swing. *sigh*

The Big News

I went to Opening Day yesterday and as usual, it was awesome. It's easily one of my favorite days of the year and this year did not disappoint. The Rockies played well and beat the Phillies (taking a little shine off of their World Series win last fall). The pre-parties were all fun, the weather was gorgeous and I got a little color on my arms and face. I hung out with good friends, had a few beers and delighted in the return of the Boys of Summer.

But that's not the big news.

I spent today running around getting ready for Becki's wedding in Palm Springs next weekend. Maid of Honor dress: secured. Hair: cut and colored. Cute outfits for all of the festivities: laid out in the guest room waiting to be packed. I can't wait to spend 5 days hanging out with some of the coolest people I know...who just happen to be some of my oldest and dearest friends. If the weekend turns out to be anything like the last trip we all took (Vegas in 2006) then it's sure to be filled with tomfoolery and ballyhoo. I can't hardly wait.

But that's not the big news either.

Work is going well and I'm starting to feel less like the village idiot with each passing day. The learning curve is steep and I find myself getting frustrated by how much I don't know but I'm grateful every, single day to have a job. Especially one that I like. I know the feelings of overwhelming stupidity (due to being in a new role and learning a whole 'nother scope of the work) will continue to fade so that's helpful. And I really like the people I work with which is fantastic. Also, I have the world's greatest boss. And no, said boss doesn't read this blog so I'm not kissing up. I just respect the hell out of her and feel lucky to be learning from her. So work, it's going well.

But guess what? That's not the big news either. In fact, that's hardly news at all.

So the big news...it's big.

We're talking 1200 square feet big. With a lovely yard. And high ceilings. And gorgeous hardwood floors. And a charming built-in in the dining room. And a porch swing that is so darling it almost hurts.

We have the inspection on Monday and if all goes well I will be posting an obnoxious number of photos soon thereafter. Keep your fingers crossed around 5:30pm (Mountain time, of course) for good news and not the discovery that it's built on a sacred Indian burial ground. Because that's about the only thing that could ruin my 1906 Craftsman bungalow.

Will the World's Worst Blogger Please Stand Up?

Ok, you can't see it but I'm standing.

And now I'm sitting because, lordy, it's hard typing while standing. And because I'm lazy.

So I realize I said I was back to blogging and for a while there I was doing ok. I was going to write all about what had been going on and explain everything. And at first it was going ok. But then it began feeling like a chore; like something I had to do. Telling the whole story just seemed to wear on me. So I stopped. And what I decided was that I don't have to tell the whole story because I lived it. Now, because I'm me, chances are good I will eventually tell the whole story because I think there's some value in telling in, for me I mean. Maybe not so much for you. But right now it just seems like too much to go into. So I think I'll write about whatever.

Without further ado, I give you whatever...

Most all-consuming thing in my life right now:

Finding a new house. I realize it's a buyers market so I'm lucky in that regard. But finding something that has everything I want, in a neighborhood I love is tough. Wait, let me amend that. Find what I want in the right neighborhood is pretty easy, it's paying for it that's not quite as simple. Turns out, I have excellent taste. And said excellent taste doesn't come with a cheap price tag. Go figure. And then there's the whole thing of buying by myself. And yes, I know I should be proud of myself for being able to do it by myself; for saving enough money for a lovely down payment; for getting to a point in my career where my salary will cover a bigger mortgage and still let me buy shoes and take vacations. But then there's the part of me that thinks, "All of the houses you love are nearly 100 years old and though they've been updated, a million things could go wrong and then there you are up shit creek without a paddle...or a clue as to how to fix the thing that is wrong. And if something goes wrong, you have to fix it all by yourself. Because you are the crazy girl who bought a 100 year old house by yourself. By yourself. All by yourself." And then I start singing "All by mysel-he-helf...don't want to be...all by mysellllllllllf. ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Yes, I'd like some cheese with my whine.

Super-exciting vacation:

A wonderful trip to Arizona with both of my sister for a long weekend o' fun. Grand Canyon, sunshine, stupid inside jokes, awesome meals, hiking, star-gazing. Oh, doesn't all sound wonderful??? And I'm sure it would have been had the mother-trucking Spring Blizzard of 2009 not hit Denver last Thursday. Our flight was cancelled (as were 499 others out of DIA that day) and wonderful Southwest Airlines couldn't get us to Phoenix until Saturday night. Which was somewhat inconvenient seeing as how we were supposed to fly back Sunday afternoon. Oh the little grey cloud that settled over my head! And if you think one depressed KC is bad, you should see 3. (Yes, we all have the initials KC. Because we're that kind of family. Feel free to wretch a little.) So anyway, my vacation was a bust. But I think the three of us have decided to take white water rafting trip this summer as a replacement vacation. It will be hard for Mother Nature to throw a blizzard our way in July so we feel we've outsmarted her.

Recent Project:

Because I'm a dork who enjoys having a project going at all times. The latest and greatest is the Great Purge of 2009. I'm getting rid of crap. Lots of crap. This little project has been going on for a while but I'm at it with a vengeance now. I don't want to have to move a bunch of stuff I don't need. A sentimental pack-rat by nature, it's difficult for me to part with anything. Actual things uttered/thought by me in this process:

"Oh my god, I can't get rid of this Valentine's Day card from my 4th grade boyfriend!"

"These are the keys from the Saab I had in college. Sure I got rid of that car 8 years ago but who knows if I might need the keys again someday..."
"I know these jeans will fit again. I just know it!"

"I have no idea who most of the people in this picture are but if I took a picture of them they must have meant something at the time."

My newest method of expunging is to ask myself "Would you rescue this in a fire?" If this answer is no, it goes. This is particularly difficult when it comes to my shoes and purses. Because that's a sick sort of Sophie's Choice; I love them all.

Menfolk:

Do you hear the crickets? Yeah, me too.

If one more person tells me that want to set me up with a guy, I might scream. Not because I'm opposed to the idea of a set-up, but because when I ask why they think we might hit it off the answer is almost always, "Well, you're both single and fill-in-the-afterthoughts-here". To me that's like saying, "Well, you both have pulses!" Tell me he's hilarious and kind. Tell me he loves the outdoors and cooking. Dazzle me with his love of travel or the fact that he's always wanted a lab-mix rescue dog. But just saying he's single is about as sexy as telling me that he usually keeps his ball-scratching to a minimum on first dates.

Upcoming Travel:

Palm to the Springs. Becki's wedding is in three weeks and I cannot wait for five days in Palm Springs with some of my oldest and dearest friends. Becki was kind enough to let me pick my own dress (a perk of being the Maid of Honor) and it's cute and comfortable which is a huge plus. We're staying at some swanky hotel (Palm Springs knows how to do swank) and there are 101 fun activities planned. So unless that heartless bitch (aka Mother Nature) decides to stir up another storm, this should be a damn good time.

Super-secret Shame:

Don't judge harshly but I've been reading the Twilight series. I realize I'm 32 and not 14 but they're really addictive. And even worse, I download Taylor Swift's 'Love Story' and have been listening to it for the last two days. If this keeps up I'll be at the new Hannah Montana movie next weekend.

Barley:

Still as brown as ever.